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I agreed with the statement where they said that everyone will change throughout their life and I think that statement is true, what matters to us before might not be matter to us in the near future. Or even in the long run, we thought that we couldn’t let go of certain things when the matter fact is WE CAN. There are certain events that changed us and the day I knew I lost my grandmother was the day that I noticed something changed in the way I see life.

I have never experienced death. Not this close. And I couldn’t imagine it happened to someone that I knew very close to my heart.

I knew this day will come eventually and I prayed that I would be ready for it.

Alhamdulillah, my heart accepted it, dengan penuh redha. Satu pemergian yang amat menyedihkan tapi hati masih boleh menerima ketentuan Ilahi.

I have a lot of good memories and moments with my grandmother. I look up to her, the way she navigated herself through life. She understood life, in a very philosophical way. Her heart was kind and her soul was gentle. She was a philanthropist, who always believe in the cause that she was in-helping other people and always put others before herself.

I couldn’t make it up to her. Segala amalan-amalan yang mek tokwan buat sepanjang hidup.

My grandmother set a very high standard for the rest of her family to follow. Kalau boleh nak contohi mek tokwan, berjasa pada orang, sedekah pada orang, sentiasa tolong orang. Sentiasa berdoa pada setiap masa dan ketika. Mulut mek tokwan tak pernah putus berdoa. Something that amazed me until now.

And after the loss of my grandmother, I could let go of certain things. Certain things which I know one of them is HATE. Hate that I carried throughout my life because I thought I couldn’t let go of certain things. But my grandmother taught me differently, she taught me how to let go and move on. There is a bigger and longer journey waiting for us all. And I believe in that.

Moga dapat berhimpun dengan keluarga dan mek tokwan di sana nanti, InshaAllah.

*I wish I didn’t cry a river when I wrote this, but I did*