intervention

It is about a month time to final exams and I still crumble all over places. I feel like I cannot push my body to a certain limit. Since the semester started, I feel that I have not been putting too much effort on anything. I feel no satisfaction and I feel everything is not good enough. I get tired with faces and I get tired with people. Spending too much time in lab would probably drive me insane, but let’s pray that, that will never happen. I actually like what I am doing. I mean, hours of synthesizing a compound, you heat it, you cool it down, you filter it, crystallize it and you keep it in vial, a very small amount of compound for a few hours of hell. Don’t get me wrong though, hell is good. Sometimes, you learn things in a hard a way, if you get things too easily you would not feel attached to it. So when the compound crystallize, I could actually feel my heart’s pounding, I am psyche and I think I fell in love with some unhuman compound that consist of aromatic carbon, hydrogen and amine fragments. GEE, who am I kidding, look like labs sessions are really DRIVING ME CRAZY.

To be honest, sometimes I feel like giving up, not because I am tired but because I feel hopeless. I feel really hopeless like the magic is gone, like I am not a person who deserves to get good stuff and I tear a little, every now and then. But the point of intervention is about how fast you stand up. How fast you deal, how fast you channel all the negative energy.  Because the bottom line is, you wanted everything good. AND YOU WANTED IT BAD.